The American Dream

For anyone who doesn’t know much about me and you shouldn’t because no one here should know me I love the idea of patriotism. Anything American excites me. The “patriotic eagle” memes and ‘murricuh jokes make me absolutely smile. But lately, since recent events I’ve lost my enthusiasm. I blog to you from a dimly lit room displaying my emotions. I wonder how long it’ll be until I feel like myself. They say break ups are never simple, never easy… But no one told me it would feel like a part of you was ripped away. I’ve come to terms with it… No more denial… No more pain… Just a fond memory. I pictured myself burning pictures, plotting revenge, and maybe even lurking but none of that has happened. I really cared/care about the boy and feel like a piece of me always will. If he wasn’t happy with me, I’d much rather see him smiling and laughing with another girl even if it kills me a little. It doesn’t matter. I’m a high school student. This is the playground before college… I’m supposed to experience these things right? I’ll move on. And after I go through the bad boy phase, the jock phase, the sweet guy phase, and finally the unrequited love- then I can say I got the full high school relationship dating experience. The whole point of dating is to find the one you want to marry, right? So obviously the first one isn’t likely to be the right one. It just hurts a little.

To me, guys are like the strangest things ever. You try too hard- they take you for granted. You don’t even look at them they come jumping off white horses with red roses even though your favorite flowers are pink tulips. But I’m not going to lie, girls are just as confusing and this is coming from a girl. We don’t like the guys who are sweet and always there for us… We want the bad boy- the challenge. We see him from across the quad with his perfectly made up brunette hair and we just know… He’s so dreamy/cute/hot/perfect/Taylor-Swift-Song-Worthy/or irresistibly dangerous. We’ll see him in his dark, fitted jeans and stooping to get his blue Jansport back pack and end up squealing with our friends about him later on… But what we don’t see is the guy who has been our “friend” forever… The one who carries our books and backpacks. The one who walks us to class. The one who volunteers to Skype tutor us. The one who spends his lunch with you to do something not even your best friend wants to do- like help with your project that’s due next period. It took me a year to realize this and half a year to lose someone who was pure gold. I don’t know where I went wrong and as much as it kills me; I’m not going to call him. I’m going to pay my respects to him by letting him leave without throwing my pride to the floor and break down again over a text message. I’m going to let him go so he can move on and maybe get a 5 on his AP exam, get a new girlfriend maybe an Italian one or something, get straight A’s like he always does, play some video games without me accidentally interrupting, go play tennis and clear his mind, go spend some much-needed guy time with his friends he couldn’t have before because of me, and maybe even possibly learn to do something cool like Tango or Salsa dancing.

 Until then, I have two weeks before fall starts creeping up on all of us and force me to cast my eyes again on him. I have a little time to heal. Maybe find myself again as a person instead of leaning on him so much. I was too dependent on him anyway. I need to discover what AMANDA wants… Not what we wanted or needed. I’ll stand on my own soon. And I owe it to this blog, I guess. Where else would I vent when my dog is always busy, my friend is starting a new job, another is globe-trotting, others don’t know, and the new Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome is too busy to deal with me?
I’ll dress nice, I’ll look good, I’ll go dancing alone, I’ll laugh.
Always Quixotic,

5 responses to “The American Dream

  1. in speaking of patriotism, something you would probably love is the 1st edition presidents Pez candy collection set :) I have it, and I LOVE it, still in the box!

    • Hahah Well I was feeling emotional and needed to vent SOMEWHERE :/ My posts aren’t usually as long. I probably most likely won’t repost all my stories again because I don’t really like to write anymore. But I can send you a copy of all of them :)


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